Why are some men so averse to commitment? Claire Casey answers a reader question…
I’ve been in a relationship for 6 months, but he seems to move really slowly. He told me that he noticed me 4 years back (we work at the same firm), and that when I started here he always looked out for me (not in a stalking way). He told me that he just had to take charge to say hi and officially meet me, and we have been together since then.
Just to give you an idea on him, he’s been with the same firm for 20 years. He is happy in his job, yes he did move up in the ranks and did make a name for himself. He told me he likes routine a lot and does not make hasty decisions.
I one time asked him why he holds back so much and he replied that he wants to make sure of what he wants…because he ‘s been hurt before. I also got hurt before, but I am not holding back…
Your program “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever” started me thinking on do I want to commit to this guy, if he’s like this in our relationship now how will this be if he ever asks me to get married?
What I would like to know… am I wasting my time with this guy or is he just really slow?
Hi, Marie —
You’re dating a quiet, slower man, and they have their own advantages and disadvantages, and depending on what YOU want out of a relationship I think they can make pretty awesome partners.
The big advantages:
A quiet, slow man is usually very stable, not just emotionally, but also (very frequently) financially. For some people, this is a huge benefit. In other words, you get to be the dynamic, whirlwind person and he provides the grounding for that. You won’t be competing with him for attention, either.
Also, a man with a slow, deliberate approach can be quite a pleasure in the bedroom 🙂 He’ll take the time to get you where you want to go.
The potential problem:
The reason some women don’t like the slower-paced guys is because it just takes them forever to make a move! You might get frustrated at having to wait on him all the time. And if you’re hoping to commit within a short time-frame, you might have to pass this guy on by.
But not necessarily! Men secretly yearn for commitment and marriage and in Capture His Heart And Make Him Love You Forever, I teach you how to turn that yearning into a truly primal need.
Slow-paced guys are usually pretty happy for you to lead on making moves, for one thing. So be SURE to communicate openly and clearly with him on the important stuff. This means you have to know what you want, of course, so if you’re not clear, GET clear.
And when it comes to commitment, the key to working with a man like this is to let him know your timeframe. If you hope to get married within a year after starting to date someone, you need to be able to let him know this in a non-threatening way.
Best to you, Marie!
Claire Casey has spent years traveling the sometimes dazzling, sometimes dark and rocky paths that connect the hearts of men to the women they love. As a lifelong writer, she has studied and written about the ways men and women grow (or destroy) love. Unlike the spotlight-loving, entertainment-based celebrity relationship coaches, Claire isn’t a model or a TV spokesperson, and she doesn’t have a lot of academic letters after her name… She just quietly empowers women to attract the kind of man who will treasure and protect a woman’s heart like the rare and beautiful gem it is.